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Vía Láctea

y todas las noches
bajo la vía láctea
parecen eternas
si tu no estás

Okay so I had a long entry and of course I made some copy/paste error and I lost it all. That's nice.

For starters I've been without lights for about 20-30 minutes now. There's a tornado in the area. Somewhere, but I'm pretty sure we're okay. They haven't set the alarm off. How my internets is still working is a mystery to me.

I'm gonna try and make this shorter than it was before.

The gist is that these past couple of weeks and days have led to a lot of thinking on my part and I realize despite my own beliefs some things in my life need to change. I haven't realized that what I am isn't what I need to be at this point in my life, and I don't know why. (my lights are back on) I've hurt people in my life that don't deserve it and what's worse is that it has taken me this long to realize it. For the time being, I'm going to have to change and become a better person. For everyone, and for myself.

I made a decision recently that I hope is for the best. I think it can be especially if I do things right and everything works out. One can only hope things can work out because frankly, if I don't have hope, I don't have much else of anything.

School ends soon and that will give me the summer to hopefully straighten myself and my life out. I really need it.

I really need everyone and everything.

y en la alfombra de tus sueños
soy el rayo vagabundo
y desmaya y dolece
pero no se apaga

Sendin out an S.O.S.

don't worry i'm listening to the police, the subject was just what i was listening to.

anywho. im not gonna lie and say i don't write in this often because i don't have time because i usually DO have time. school keeps me busy, but i get a nice break during the day which i could write instead i watch sportscenter, cold pizza, rando movies on the 6 HBO's we get, daily show and colbert, aaaand more ESPN.

the truth is maybe that teen angst i had when i wrote in this so much is gone. now it's a nice blend pessimism and moping. for some reason that's just how i deal lately. just get down on myself. i don't run to my LJ like i used to and for that im sorry sweet sweet LJ. ive thought about just starting over with a new name and such, but i'm so attached to it. despite the fact i don't usually listen to KMFDM anymore. *goes to iTunes and puts on KMFDM*

aaaah the teen days. video games with mark, fun times with the racoons, and the simplicity of high school. all gone. mark's got his own deal with his frat and his girl now which is cool but i don't think it's how it used to. susan jetted to florida with her guy and whitney is alone in Houston. i see whitney and i have a blast everytime, but we don't do it enough. college sucks. i love Boston. this city has so much to offer and so much i love. the history, the sox, the progressiveness, the sox, and a unique experience. it's why i came here, but due to financial restraints i'm headed back to texas.

going back to texas has its perks. family is closer, it's warmer, i have friends closer, i can see sherry more, and it's cheaper. meanwhile i gotta find a school there which is a problem because i didn't want to go anywhere out of high school and still really not interested in any school. texas tech sounds nice and UNT is an option because my mom lives close. i've also been looking at A&M. the fact is i still don't know what i want to do. im looking at teaching history in high school as my target now. 3rd major id go into. does this mean anything? yeah it means 18-YEAR-OLDS SHOULD NOT HAVE TO CHOOSE THEIR FUTURE AT SUCH AN AGE. jesus christ what's wrong with society.

this is incredibly long already and if you're bored just go away, it won't get anymore exciting. or i mean it could---wait wait *checks radio in ear* no, no. im being told it definitely WON'T get anymore exciting.

on thing for sure is that i wish i could just take some time off and go somewhere. i've been reading up on the EZLN (zapatista arma for national liberation) living in the jungles of Chiapas (a state) in Mexico. these are indigenous people who have establish an autonumous region free of the grip and opression of the mexican government. i admire these people so much, some who can't even speak spanish. they're fighting for what is there's which is the land. the PSA (progressive student alliance) has really opened me up to injustices. i'd like to say im much more aware and sensitive of worldly happenings. i try to read independent news sources which report on the Zapatistas and other events.

i'd like to say this all has radicalized me a bit. i don't go to Starbucks anymore because they lack fairly traded coffee and prefer to support the farmers and fair trade products. this is only the start hopefully. i'd really like to make a difference towards all of this. i wish i had a lot of money or political power, it's easy to say, but i'd really just fund it into the farmers of around the world to balance out the scales. it's the point where hearing the prejudices that go against just the night-time janitors here at school angers me.

anything on the right wing and the shit that they produce along with corporations like starbucks and their push for neoliberalism and globalization are going to be the downfall of this world and the effects will be felt on our children. im just wondering what starbucks and nestle are going to do when all their farmers are growing coca plants because drugs are where the money are and not coffee.

anyway, it's getting late so i'll move on. sherry and i are still okay. stable and about to see eachother soon. that should be exciting and the summer should me more exciting than the last. we have plans on heading up to Arlington to watch the Sox play the Rangers. should be fun.

school gets out the 17th and finals start the 20th. Paul is coming up and we're driving back with all my stuff. should be quite the road trip. it'll take us a bit but it'll be nice to finally be home for a while and not worry about school. but not for long as i'll be "hard at work" looking for a new school. i should go to Chiapas instead. just leave technology and civilization behind. heaven forbid.

this is insanely long now so i'm stopping. feels a little bit better to get this all out. no promises but ill try and write in this again soon. god i need a cigerette now. but i won't. ill just get up and do the same damn thing i've done on tuesdays this semester. yay. i need to go somewhere that ISNT here and by here i don't mean Boston. just this slumped state of mind. im not unhappy but i guess just...uncomfortable(?) with my life? *shrug*

"we don't live. we just scratch on day-to-day with nothing but matchbooks and sarcasm in our pockets. and all we're waiting for is for something worth waiting for."

home, where i wanted to go

I havent updated this in a while and really because either I don't have time or just get lazy. Regardless it's not dead, I've gone longer not updating this than now.

Anyway, I'll keep this one quick. Looks like I'll be headed home for spring break. I'll be in H-town from the 2nd to the 11th. Better than nothing no? Sherry got my ticket for me and I couldn't be more appreciative.

I actually might be coming back closer to home permenantly. I'm spending a lot of money here and not even sure what I want to do with my life. I might try and Education major. I'd like to be a teacher/coach who let's their kids do nothing in class.

I'll miss living in this city. It's cold as balls and a tundra but I love the culture and feel it has. Yes even you, Mr. Rude-MBTA-passenger guy and yes even you Ms. I-talk-too-loud-to-my-boyfriend-on-my-cell-phone-on-the-way-to-class girl. But what're you gonna do.

I'm sitting here trying to think of more to say, but I DID say I'd keep this short so that is all. Here's to me not freezing my ass off for the rest of this winter. Peace

F Minus comic

this made my day earlier in the week's newspaper.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

i love his face. it says so much.
Just proud of my new icon. Wanted to post to see how it would look like. Other than that, everything is gravy I guess.


thanks to my girl, i got a brand new wii with an extra remote, nunchuck, and madden 07. the fam and i have been playing it all day and i have no regrets about camping out at 930pm and waiting until 8am of the next day. merry christmas to mii!

if the world collapses, I know...

Until tomorrow
Until tomorrow
The only voice was far away.
Until tomorrow,
The only sound was my mistake.
Until tomorrow
it’s all I can say...

hope is untreatable disease

"I speak of the immense city, that daily reality composed of two words: the others, and in every one of them there is an I clipped from a we, an I adrift...
I speak of the buildings of stone and marble, of cement, of glass and steel, of the people in the lobbies and doorways, of the elevators that rise and fall like the mercury in thermometers...
Of the coming and going of cars, mirrors to our anxieties, business, passions (why? toward what? for what?), of the hospitals that are always full, and where we always die alone, I speak of the half-light of certain churches and the flickering candles at the altars, the timid voices with which the desolate talk to saints and virgins in a passionate, failing language..."

-Octavio Paz from "I Speak of the City"

Reminds me a bit of living here in Boston. i love it. a lot of the times i just miss what i left behind other times. the girl that makes me smile. the friends that make me laugh. and the family that makes happy and sad. i miss you LJ, sorry i don't write you as much lately. everything has been crazy at school. i haven't forgotten about you. but in case you're wondering if you're still alive, yeaup.


So its pretty much been a while since a wrote in this. i always tend to do that. like if you look in my memories or w/e, you can see significant gaps. it's never that i forgot about it or i dont care about it anymore, because i do. i just get lazy. well i didnt write in it in the summer because i didn't have internet but the times i did i just never wanted to write in it. i still kinda don't right now but i really feel i should. i feel like my lj is almost diying. at the same time, no one really still writes in their's consistantly like it used to. my friends page is always communities. oh well. its one of those things i better get used to with age.

Goddamnit im growing up. im like already having a life-crisis. chill/youthful times are like getting more and more scarce and it honestly scares me. anyone who knows me knows im just a big kid. just the thought of responsibilities of my own life and such is terrifying. there's not much you can do though. life goes, 1) born 2) live 3) die. i mean there's alot in between, but it's just finally hitting me that my life is progressing and it's scary to think about.

Sherry is a staple in my life and if there's anything i learned over the summer (which i should've know before) is that if we're really going to be together for the rest of our lives, like we'd like to, its important to realize that everything you do has its effects on the other person as well. i dont mind it at all, im just noting that as another thing ive come to realize. a year later and i love her more everyday. its just a great feeling to have such a positive influence in my life. she's supportive, understanding, caring, and just about the sweetest person youll ever meet in your entire life. im pretty sure she'd take a bullet for a fucking plant if she had to. i dont know if she realizes it but just little things like for example, i called her today to tell her i did well on my first two journalism papers (yeah i switched majors) and she was just like so goddamn extatic. i mean i was excited but after telling her i said to myself "you know what? yeah i DID do an awesome job!" speaking of which, she's coming to visit for a bit in october! she does shit to my self-esteem im sure God himself can't do (which is a lie because im sure he could but i say it for dramatic effect) i love her and she's the best thing to happen to my life since being born. thanks for a year, and for the rest of our lives.

im living with dennis leary again. this time on st stephens. pretty fly place. we got our own kitchen and bathroom. so far ive made, fetuccini alfredo, alot of sandwiches, easy mac, raviolis, oh and some sandwiches. leary and i have, i think, officially hit it off this year. we joke, laugh, watch tv, cook, and do hw. he's still quite the drinker but it makes for more interesting convos.

speaking of Boston, i love it, but i dont. i love it because its my city, its a city where i feel i belong and that i enjoy. there's alot to it to learn still but so far it's perfectly livable except for the cost of living. oi. i also love it because the sports rock. i hate it because i cant enjoy it all the way as i have no family or friends or sherry here. just one of those would do. i feel even worse because now sherry wants to move up here. like id love for her to but i know this isnt her city, where she wants to be and what she wants to do. we love eachother and im sure itll work out somehow.

baseball season was a bust. sox started off strong and blew it with injuries and shithead plays. astros? just a mess. inconsistant says it for the both of them. shame on them. football is starting off and then hockey, here's to the steelers and bruins, please make up for terrible baseball.

she just texted me. i just got warm and fuzzy inside.

there's more to my life im sure but not enough time to do it. its about 1045 PM EST and i have a class tomorrow in the morning. ive just about whats important in my thoughts right now. im happy with my life right now. happier than ive been in a while. i hope whoever reads this, family, friends, strangers, whoever enjoyed this and if not, piss off, you chose to read it.